He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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