how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
