im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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