Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
