shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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