i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
