I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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