I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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