I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
