my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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