Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Is Oprah even human
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
