I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Drunk walkin through police station. America
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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