Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize