you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
