Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
someone owes me an orgasm
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
