she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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