There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
