Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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