i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
