He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
