I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize