I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
