Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
