Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize