Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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