He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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