I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
