I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Randomize
