Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize