the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
