Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
two words...techno handjob
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize