I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
