It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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