dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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