We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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