Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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