Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
