oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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