remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
