i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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