how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
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