You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
