the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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