Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(770): View more from Georgia

she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.

Fav 38 899 1966
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(319): View more from Iowa

he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.

Fav 8 3398 1081
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(225): View more from Louisiana

wtf

(1-225): View more from Louisiana

I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?

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(321): View more from Florida Space Coast

The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?

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(270): View more from Kentucky

The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.

Fav 30 5884 4006
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(254): View more from Texas

They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call

Fav 23 3458 1360
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(772): View more from Florida

Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol

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(512): View more from Texas

I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...

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