Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
