Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize