Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
