here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
