Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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