Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
