I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
