he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
