Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I believe in your delicious
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
