i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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