You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
