wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Also, beer. Big fan.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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