Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
True strength comes from lack of pants
Randomize
