im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
