Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
