You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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