I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
