I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
