what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
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