the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
