I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
