How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
