dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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