I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
