you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
A bitchslap is in order.
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